You all know her. The mom that’s always smiling. The friend who will drop it all to have coffee with you. The sister who is always telling you to look on the bright side. The workout buddy who is always pushing hard, and keeping you motivated. The wife who happily hands you breakfast in the morning, and hugs you when you get home from work. You all know her.
That women who is smiling, who has that perfect life. Two adorable kids, a rock solid marriage, a couple of crazy dogs, and the chickens that she swoons over. Make up free, t shirt wearing confident women. Yeah, she struggles too.
Those moments in the morning where she would rather bury her head under the pillow after what feels like close to seven years of sleepless nights. Her four year old daughter doesn’t sleep in her own bed most nights, and if she is lucky enough to escape her daughter climbing in bed with her and kicking her half the night, than her son will wake her up with that evil poking finger for some reason or another. It’s a struggle sometimes to hand her husband that coffee, without also feeling like he should be catering to her, for once. Some days are hard. Some days she feels like the maid, the chef, and the slave to the others in the house.
Yeah. Today was that day. I woke up a bit angry, on the wrong side edge of the bed because my daughter was kicking me. I woke up tired, once again. When will I get a break? Even on the days I get to “sleep in” I have to ask someone to let the dogs out, can they not hear them whining?! I have to wake up and feed them, because no one realizes it’s a daily task. Regardless, today was not a day of sleeping in. I woke up grumpy….but put a smile on my face and told myself that life is good and I need to fix this attitude. I made myself some eggs, and as I was about to enjoy them my husband finally woke up….I didn’t have to, but because I’m a nice wife I let my eggs get cold as I made him whatever he wanted. I handed him the second cup of coffee that I was in desperate need of. Of course, if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have said a word. I could have sat down and not offered, and he would have poured himself a bowl of cold cereal. But, that’s not me.
I love my life, and I truly feel blessed beyond belief for what I have. I know what I have, and thankful for it. But, I have my moments too. I try not to show them, and I try and be the typical happy go lucky, life is full of sunshine, kind of gal. But, sometimes you just have to be real. Sometimes you have to buckle down and get all that stuff out of your way so you can find that smile again.
It’s not the kids, or husband, or dogs. It’s me.
I’ve been having time management issues, doing 100 things at once and getting nothing done. I felt guilty and angry when I found out my husband didn’t have a clean shirt to wear today. What kind of wife am I?! I felt hurt and betrayed when he went to work early, even though he didn’t have to. I should be happy he’s such a great soldier. I feel like these feelings are coming from a different place, and being directed wrong. If my time management skills were better I wouldn’t feel like the weeks were flying by and I didn’t have time for homework, housework, mom and wife duties, and then not even being able to start my garden I so badly want and need to start. I don’t allow myself to enjoy those things until I’ve earned them….and if I didn’t wash my husband’s clothes enough this week I sure don’t deserve to mow the lawn or get my hands in the dirt.
Sometimes we have to step back and take responsibilities for our feelings, and really look in the mirror. I wasn’t angry at my husband today, I was angry at myself. I’ll do better next week…
Pretty Chicken 