#afterbabybeauty

I know I show “after” pictures, and I know that when I take them I try to look my best. But, I see the flaws. We are all our hardest critics, right? I have so many “flaws” that I pick on myself for, I blame them on the fact I missed a workout, or I must have ate too much of something. I compare myself to women who have amazing and perfect bodies. Everyone is different, and not all women can have perfect stomachs after children. I am one of those. I got down to 17% body fat (pretty amazing for a female, and a record for me.) The moment they told me was bitter sweet. I was thrilled that the hard work paid off, 21 day fix changed my health. Then, I poked at my stomach and told the women, “really? 17%? Is it ALL in my stomach!?”

I have had two amazing children. My son was 8.5 pounds. I’m small…5’1” and petite. The German doctor couldn’t believe he was my son. I had a second C-section in Jan of 2011 and let it be my excuse for not trying. I finally changed my lifestyle and lost the extra weight. Last year I did the 21 Day Fix and I still follow the plan today, at least 80% of the time.

It’s getting warmer out, and a lot of moms out there don’t wear two piece bikinis because they feel like that’s not their right, as mothers we have sacrificed that “sexiness” and that perfect stomach. Who wants to look at that? Well, who cares! We have worked hard. There is no rule that says people have to look a certain way. Genetics made me the way I am, and I have stretch marks and saggy skin. I’m tired of hiding. I don’t own a two piece swimsuit yet…but this year may be different. Moms, ladies, care to join me in being proud of these marks? Doing more than posting quotes and meme’s on Pinterest, but showing the world true beauty comes in a million different forms. #afterbabybeauty

Mrs. Rainbows and butterflies has her moments too.

You all know her. The mom that’s always smiling. The friend who will drop it all to have coffee with you. The sister who is always telling you to look on the bright side. The workout buddy who is always pushing hard, and keeping you motivated. The wife who happily hands you breakfast in the morning, and hugs you when you get home from work. You all know her.

That women who is smiling, who has that perfect life. Two adorable kids, a rock solid marriage, a couple of crazy dogs, and the chickens that she swoons over. Make up free, t shirt wearing confident women. Yeah, she struggles too.

Those moments in the morning where she would rather bury her head under the pillow after what feels like close to seven years of sleepless nights. Her four year old daughter doesn’t sleep in her own bed most nights, and if she is lucky enough to escape her daughter climbing in bed with her and kicking her half the night, than her son will wake her up with that evil poking finger for some reason or another. It’s a struggle sometimes to hand her husband that coffee, without also feeling like he should be catering to her, for once. Some days are hard. Some days she feels like the maid, the chef, and the slave to the others in the house.

Yeah. Today was that day. I woke up a bit angry, on the wrong side edge of the bed because my daughter was kicking me. I woke up tired, once again. When will I get a break? Even on the days I get to “sleep in” I have to ask someone to let the dogs out, can they not hear them whining?! I have to wake up and feed them, because no one realizes it’s a daily task. Regardless, today was not a day of sleeping in. I woke up grumpy….but put a smile on my face and told myself that life is good and I need to fix this attitude. I made myself some eggs, and as I was about to enjoy them my husband finally woke up….I didn’t have to, but because I’m a nice wife I let my eggs get cold as I made him whatever he wanted. I handed him the second cup of coffee that I was in desperate need of. Of course, if I hadn’t he wouldn’t have said a word. I could have sat down and not offered, and he would have poured himself a bowl of cold cereal. But, that’s not me.

I love my life, and I truly feel blessed beyond belief for what I have. I know what I have, and thankful for it. But, I have my moments too. I try not to show them, and I try and be the typical happy go lucky, life is full of sunshine, kind of gal. But, sometimes you just have to be real. Sometimes you have to buckle down and get all that stuff out of your way so you can find that smile again.

It’s not the kids, or husband, or dogs. It’s me.

I’ve been having time management issues, doing 100 things at once and getting nothing done. I felt guilty and angry when I found out my husband didn’t have a clean shirt to wear today. What kind of wife am I?! I felt hurt and betrayed when he went to work early, even though he didn’t have to. I should be happy he’s such a great soldier. I feel like these feelings are coming from a different place, and being directed wrong. If my time management skills were better I wouldn’t feel like the weeks were flying by and I didn’t have time for homework, housework, mom and wife duties, and then not even being able to start my garden I so badly want and need to start. I don’t allow myself to enjoy those things until I’ve earned them….and if I didn’t wash my husband’s clothes enough this week I sure don’t deserve to mow the lawn or get my hands in the dirt.

Sometimes we have to step back and take responsibilities for our feelings, and really look in the mirror. I wasn’t angry at my husband today, I was angry at myself. I’ll do better next week…

Talk about being absent!

I have been absent lately…

Not writing. Not keeping up on my schedule. Getting things done, but not in a timely manner. Keeping my house cleanish, but no where near my abilities.

It’s springtime. I love spring. My flowers are blooming and the rain is turning the weeds and grass green again. I should do something about the weeds. I should do something.

I want to make an impact, a big one. I want to change lives, including my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with my life, but I don’t believe we should ever stop growing.

I want to really succeed at this Beachbody Coach thing, it sounds so cheesy, so fake, and so sales-y. But once you really start learning, and start seeing the changes it people, in yourself, it makes it so real, amazing, and life-changing!

Shakeology, it’s not a silly drink. It’s my “daily dose of dense nutrition”, but really, IT IS. I was addicted to the strawberry, with frozen mango. The key to it all? An awesome blender, one that you can truly use to blend and smooth the drink, rather than have chunks of powder and ice <–That’s a no go. SO for awhile I’ve been having issues with hair loss and thinning….quite embarrassing for a woman. I ignored it for awhile…until my awesome hair lady said I may want to see a doctor. A hairstylist! Someone who works with hair all day long and didn’t see the chunks of hair I pull from my drain, and brush, and out of my fingers after I condition…..That made it real. I was freaked. I called and made an appointment. I went to a dermatologist who didn’t know what to do and to be honest I didn’t have a lot of faith in a man who proudly displayed a collection of back-scratchers in his office, and a certificate from the Guinness Records or whatever you call it. I know I know, rude…judgmental. But, I could also hear him talking with other people during their appointments because he left all the doors open in the hall…and talked loudly. I just didn’t feel like that was a place to go get answers. I went home, and used what he suggested when I remembered, and just accepted the fact that I could have awesome hair in a few years. Red maybe? Black? Different colors different days, because I just knew I would be in a wig. Anyway, I forgot all about it, to an extent. In the meantime I got highly addicted (kidding! Kinda…) to Shakeology. My daily go to breakfast, so so easy! I’m lazy busy in the mornings and so it’s a great alternative to actually making food. My next hair appointment, 6 months later, and I’m slightly scared she’ll give me crap for just accepting baldness, but I go anyway. Rather than a lecture I get “Wow! You have SO many baby hairs!” a bit later, “I mean A LOT of baby hairs!” At the time it didn’t hit me….I was more thrilled with my new cut and color, but when I got home I realized, baby hairs mean I’m growing my hair back. THANK you Shakeology. It’s more than an awesome tasty, quick breakfast. It’s filling my body with those things it needs to thrive and grow hair…something I was apparently lacking before.

My life has been crazy lately. So many changes…good, bad, and indifferent. I think change is good. It helps us grow. I want to grow, I want to strive to be better, faster, stronger, kinder, happier, healthier….

I’ll write about these changes on their own days, because they deserve that.

On a pretty cool note I earned $115 by helping people find a way to start their journey. I bought myself some awesome running shoes, and cute workout tanks…because I deserved it, and well, because I’ve been trying to find a good reason to buy them.

Until next time…

Don’t quit growing…there is limitless possibilities!

Changing in six months…

Six months, half a year…looking back it doesn’t seem like that long, but living in the moment each day seemed to last quite awhile.

There were days I wished would last forever, and others I wished would skip by, some moments I wanted the six months to just pass in a night, and others I was perfectly content. Seems like that’s the way it is no matter what is going on in your life, and this six months just happened to be my husbands deployment.

Looking back…

My son ended his Kindergarten year about a month into the deployment, and I finished up that semester of school. He started first grade and I my last semester to earn my Associates in CJ. I decided to take the summer off to save some stress on myself and enjoy the time with my kids. We had plans, we were going to do more then normal, but what ended up happening was just enjoying the days. There were times I thought I was losing my mind, my dog Archer was eating everything in sight, the wall…the hose (or three!), and whatever else he could find. He chewed and yanked the hose so much he tore up the outside spigot, which I tried multiple times to fix myself, and failed. I ended up hiring a plumber to fix it in the end, and building a dog pen by hand, alone. Then, there were the brakes on my truck, which I refused to pay a mechanic an ungodly amount to replace for me, and instead went and purchased the parts, gave my best friends husband $60 to replace. 20 min later he was done. (Thank you!) There was the three foot long black snake, pretty harmless to people, but was fighting with my chickens and I wasn’t going to stand by and let that thing kill my birds, so I killed it after a lot of squealing and shaking and freaking out. These are the major things, but it’s the day to day things that are the hardest.

The days my son had a meltdown while doing homework, bath-time and dinner cleanup was later then normal, and an extra hand would have been a lifesaver. Those days that the yard-work needed to be done, and the kids were running wild (safely) in the house while I had to stop every hour and check on them. Sometimes filthy with grass I would make them lunch and go back outside to finish the lawn. Those days I had to take my kids to dentist appointments, my own appointments required me to find a sitter, and those days I really did depend on the help of friends. If you know me, you know I do not use babysitters if I can help it. I needed the help of friends, and I appreciated it more then anyone knows. The days I had a lot of homework, yet my daughter begged for cuddles at night to help her sleep, and I would have to explain to her she needed to suck it up and learn how to sleep without. It may sound mean, but I had to make sacrifices and choices.

These last six months, even at there worst, were really wonderful. I knew my husband was counting on me to keep things going, keeping my sanity and taking care of our kids and our house. I was and am proud that I can admit at times it’s tough, but I did it, and could do it again. I missed him like crazy and used it as motivation to make things keep moving. I worked out and ate well, I changed my lifestyle and lost over 15 pounds in six months. For me, someone who was “normal” not overweight according to most, someone who is a busy person, and someone who felt like she didn’t have a lot to lose, 15 pounds is still a shock for me. I stand on the scale and am amazed each morning that I am to a point I haven’t been in 9 years, to a point my husband has never seen me. At 17% body fat I expected to look amazing, to have crazy muscle definition and ripped abs, but I don’t. What I do have is a body that stuck with me, it’s strong, it’s flawed, and it’s all me. I have a little belly, I have stretch marks, I somehow feel as if I have body fat to lose (but the bodpod says not really), but I am proud, happy and content. I’m okay with my body, I have accepted the flaws, and I would wear a swimsuit with no shame. This body, the one I have abused with crap food and not enough veggies, the body I have poured too much alcohol into at times, and the body that was beat up and turned upside down in the five years I spent in the Army, is amazing. This body has given me two amazing children, has gained and given me strength to do hard labor and get my hands dirty, the body that allowed me to build a dog pen in the heat of summer, post hole digging in clay by hand, and hug my children, run after them, and be active in their lives, this body that I am confident will fight for me to live a long happy life…this body is amazing. If I was looking at my story from the outside I would be in awe that this change could happen in six months, but me, looking in the mirror, I see the flaws. I see the fat pockets, the lines in my face, the zits that seem to be forever an issue, I see bruises and the veins that make me think I shouldn’t show off my legs, but I also see that look in my eyes. I see the look of confidence, determination, fight, and love. I will age just like anyone else, get wrinkles and lines, eventually become an old lady. My eyes, my laugh, my love and my happiness will not age, will not fade.

This last six months were more then happiness and struggle, they were life-changing. They help me appreciate the time I have with my family and the love we have for each other. They made me push myself to the point of struggle, squat more then my body weight, and feel overwhelmed with light in my life.

Stop hiding, don’t try and shame me.

The fine line between being true to yourself, or making someone happy. I am a kind person, anyone who really knows me knows they can ask me just about anything and I will go out of my way to help. Good friends know that if I say something that can be offensive to speak up and ask for an explanation. Others in my life smile and nod, turn around and talk badly of me. I keep letting things like this bother me, I keep thinking “what if..” and “maybe they thought…” But I am done.

Part of it is my weight loss, my bettering of myself, and my happiness. I’m not even joking, I have this feeling people like to hate on the happy. How dare I be happy. I’m not someone who has a lot of money, I drive simple cars, I have a modest home, and I am really nothing special. How dare I post pictures of me working on myself, showing people that if you choose, you can be happy, healthy, and lose that weight. I suppose I should hide behind my baggy clothes, hide behind some facade that I am just too good to spread the word that I am willing to help!! Maybe it’s rude of me to tell people they can find a way to fit exercise and healthy eating into their lives! Trust me, I don’t push it on people, anyone who is not interested can let me know. I don’t care if you are overweight or unhealthy and happy! GOOD!! I just want to be the person that people who want help go to. If you don’t want help, then keep smiling, and I will smile and wave.

To tell the truth it hurts my feelings, and offends me, when people think I am cocky and rude, or some kind of fake person. Guess what, this is really me. I am happy. I am crazy busy and I can make it work. I take full time classes, my man is deployed, I am on a budget, I’m a stay at home mom who takes care of the housework, yard work, and babysitting. I am not bragging, I am simply letting people know if they want to, they can make it happen!!

I guess people let that fine line blur between being confident and cocky, being strong and rude, being kind and a know-it-all, being proud and being arrogant….and I think these are people who choose to see in a negative light, because those close to me see me in a much different way.

I refuse to play the game. I will continue to smile this true, honest smile. I will continue to be proud of the hard work that I have done, while being willing to take on even more to help another. I will continue to be happy and satisfied with my life, while bettering myself each day, working towards a better me, and competing with myself each and everyday. My happiness, my life, my goals and my love are going to keep on growing. I will not hide and be ashamed, I will not let the negative attitudes harm my glow. I will be me. I will be honest, and strong, and break barriers because that’s simply what I do. I weight-lift, I garden, I wash chicken poop off eggs, fold clothes and cook dinners for my family. I work out and eat right because I love this life so so so much and I don’t want to miss any time living this life with my babies and my man because I was choosing the easy road, and I wont dim my light because you feel I outshine you. I am happy.

This, is a release, a breather, a start over. I will not worry anymore about people who can’t see my true nature. I’m sorry if you are sad, I’m sorry if you can not find it in you to be proud of me or to walk along side me. If I upset you, you should say something. I’m done letting that little piece of negative nature in my life. I am done being worried about somehow offending someone. I am done letting the world dim my shine. There are so many people who need more light in their lives, not less, and I will find a way to reach them. I will light that candle of desire, that lit path to the strength they need. I am here for you, I am willing, and I am determined to help people find this amazing happiness I have found. I don’t know how I changed, but I know one day I woke up a different person. I was lighter, I wasn’t angry anymore, and I wasn’t unhappy with myself anymore. I am beyond blessed and will continue to spread love and joy. Be strong, be yourself, stop letting people to tell you to calm your excitement, to cover your true emotions. If you are angry, scream, paint, throw your anger out on paper….if you are happy, be. Be who you are and how you feel, and stop being shamed into a box. I want real people in my lives, sadness, tears, anger, happiness, and love. Children know how to show emotions and something along the way forces us to start to hide those, and that’s not healthy.

This is my jumbled mess of words on paper, full of grammatical errors. This, is my emotions on paper. This is how I deal. Now I can sleep calmly. Now, I am done.

What’s Your Secret?!

Keep in mind, I am only 5’1″, small framed female.

 

I won’t lie, I’ve never felt this good in years. My nails are strong, my hair even seems to be falling out less, and I am down to a size I have not been in years. I was in the Army for 5 years. When I joined I was 105 pounds! Yes, I was skinny. I was tiny, I didn’t look unhealthy, but I wasn’t as strong as I am now. After finishing Basic Training, I was 114. I had a lot of muscle, but now that I look back I think I had some fat on me too. I went into Basic wearing a size 0. We all put away our “civilian” clothes and didn’t see them again until 9 weeks later. When we were finally given our things back the girls were putting on their cloths, laughing and excited to see how much weight they had lost. Me? I was standing there with my jeans refusing to go over my butt and when I finally did manage my calves were so big my pants looked crazy. They were bootcut, and I somehow was the only one who got bigger. I gained a lot of muscle, and I ate like a horse. You know what they fed us? Carbs and more carbs, sprinkled with protein. I don’t remember veggies…I do remember some fruit, but I didn’t eat salads. I didn’t have time to eat a salad, each time it was time to eat I was STARVING. So, I would have french toast, yogurt, fruit, eggs and bacon for breakfast. That, in one sitting. It would be gone in less then 10 min and I would eat more again each chance I got. I won’t lie, I had so much fun in Basic.

I left Basic and went into AIT, which was much less intense and you had more freedom. I ended up gaining two more pounds. I was never less then 116 the rest of my time in the Army. Before I was pregnant with my son (my first) I had worked my way up to 122. Germany…it was all beer and bread. I loved it. The point is, I was active, I was great at running, and I would work out, hard. I never saw anything less then 125 after I had my son while I was in the Army. I’ve been out since 2010, and I have fluctuated a lot. There was a point that I as 139, and then last year I was running like a mad man and loving it, getting down to 117 and feeling awesome. Guess what? I was still not fitting into a size 0. I told myself I had no desire, and really, I don’t care about the size, I just want to look good. Gaining up to 126 (I think it was) I was angry at myself, there I go again letting it come back. I had had enough, time for a new lifestyle. My husband deploying was my motivator. I bought a weight bench, I started working out daily, and I slowly lost the weight. I got down to 122 and felt good, but wanted more. I didn’t feel like I had changed my lifestyle yet, just some temporary stuff. That’s where 21 Day Fix came in. I took a jump, and I am so glad I did. I worked hard and did the 21 Days, and it changed my life. It changed the way I see food, and it is a great feeling. I also am in love with Shakeology and I think I’m addicted. Strawberry and mango, I’m telling you…goodness!

Yesterday I bought size 24R skinny jeans from Buckle, I went all out, and I looked it up later and realized that’s equal to a size 0. My place I thought I would never be, the size I had tossed aside and didn’t bother to think about. This morning, I stepped on the scale and rather then seeing my 115.something, or 116.something, it was 114.8. I know it’s not much different, but it’s something I didn’t expect to see.

 

The 21 Day Fix gives you simplicity, it gives you the tools you need to keep going. Try hard for the 21 days, push through the cravings, do yourself a favor and get the Shakeology. It makes you feel great, fills you up for hours, and it’s so full of healthy stuff it’s ridiculous. For those of us that fall into the smallest category, it’s sometimes hard to fit in snacks without going over your daily food limit, but with Shakeology it’s like a huge meal that doesn’t take up a lot of your allotted food but holds you over for a long time.

 

If you are ready to change your life, click the link, I promise you wont regret it!

http://teambeachbody.com/shop/-/shopping/BCP21D160?referringRepId=441328

 

 

“Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.” ~Arnold H. Glasow

Sometimes I think of myself as simpleminded…not foolish, not sheltered, not someone who can’t think complexly…but someone who sees the world in right and wrong, someone who can’t seem to comprehend certain things, even if I know they exist.

Here are some examples:

When I have a job, I do it. My first job was working at Arby’s. I was barely 18, still in high school, taking college classes, and working at Arby’s. I didn’t like my job really, it was gross, all the grease, working with (and for) pot heads and stoners. But, I always showed up on time, sober, and did what I was supposed to do. I wore my hair up, wore the stupid visor and the nasty shirt without complaint. I did what I was supposed to do, and I was pretty much the only one who would work hard. I didn’t mind, because, that was my job. I knew it wouldn’t be amazing or pretty, I knew it was going to be a typical fast food job, but I said I would do it for the pay I was earning, so I did. Some people don’t take work seriously, “it’s just a job.” Just a job?! You gave your word that you would be there, that you would work, that you would show up and do your best. Some people show up, and half-ass their way through the job, not thinking that it matters. Me? I can’t. I try hard at everything. If I fail at something, it’s not because I didn’t try. I guess it’s just the way I am.

Honesty…telling the truth. I can’t help it, I’m not going to say I have never lied, I have. I think we all have…but I can tell you that I probably have not lied (at least on purpose) for a very long time. If I do lie, it’s probably to protect someone. The neighbor kids come to play, I say, “My kids can’t play, it’s time for naps.” Or something….I don’t say, “Due to liability and the fact you guys don’t listen to me, I don’t trust you, and I don’t want you in my home, my kids will not be playing with you. Oh yeah, and I don’t let my kids play in the street, I know, I’m kind of overbearing and mean huh?” But I don’t lie, normally. I don’t understand lying. People sneak around on spouses, they lie about where they spend their money, and they make up things to sound smart, or pretend they are a subject expert at something, why? I don’t understand. I have no problem making that face, (ya know, the half frown, raised eyebrow face?) and shrugging my shoulders to show people, “I have no idea!” I’m not afraid of my faults, of my lack of knowledge in certain areas. I know that if I wanted to, I could Google, YouTube, and even go to the library or call someone who was an expert to learn about it if need be. I guess I just don’t get it. If you are doing something you feel the need to lie about, why do it? If I don’t want someone to know something, I simply won’t bring it up. If confronted with a question about it, I would tell the truth, and explain my reasoning behind not disclosing that information beforehand.

 

Rules…ugh rules!! I’m a slave to rules. Due dates, I meet them if it means staying up crazy hours, working harder then I should, and suffering. Littering, you will NEVER catch me littering. Wet wipes, sucker sticks…I have shoved it all in my pockets and my Coach purse or carried it around in my hand until I found a garbage can. I cannot litter, and if I see someone litter, I normally mumble (too loudly) about how lazy people can be and do not stop my children who are just as appalled as I am to say things about how litter bugs kill trees. I will be turning 30 in March, and so far have never had a ticket, speeding, parking, or otherwise. I have sped, and will speed, but normally I try hard to obey all rules. I use my blinker in parking lots (thank you dad) and I can’t park all messed up. I drive a truck, and I will pull out and re-park until I think it is good enough. My kids and my friends are warned, “Do not take off your seatbelt until the engine is off!” And, sometimes even then I open the door and say, “Oh! Wait, I’m crooked!” Rules are important to me, I don’t know what made me the way I am, but I like to give credit to my parents.

 

I call myself simpleminded, I know what it means, and I know I am no fool. (Ask my husband, I remind him sometimes. Ha!) But, I see the world in a simple way, I know people are complex and confusing, but I don’t think like that. I am sure people have said things that could be taken wrong, and I know many times people think I’m being snide or rude, but very often I say exactly what I mean. Sometimes it can come off as mean or harsh, but if you truly know me, you know if I was trying to be rude I wouldn’t do it in a snide manner. Remember, I’m simpleminded, if I am mad at you, or angry, I will say so. Once again, ask my husband! I don’t get mad often, but sometimes I do and sometimes it’s over something like a misunderstanding. I’m lucky, my husband is a laid back, wonderful man, and if he has mistakenly done something or said something to hurt my feelings I tell him. I may wait until we are driving home, or the kids are in bed, but I ask him, “What did you mean by that?” Or, “It hurt my feelings when…” and I think that it saves us from a lot of fighting. Rather than carry around the hurt or anger I bring it up and we talk about it. 99% of the time there is a perfectly good explanation, I was mistaken, or his reasons make sense once I think about it and I am over it.

 

Maybe I am too black and white, simple and boring. I love white tee shirts, jeans and flip flops. I love black coffee and chickens. I am all about my family and to me vacation means coffee in my PJ’s without chores. It’s hard for me to sit still, I always feel like I need to be doing something. I always have chores to do. I am pretty sure I am the busiest and least productive person all at the same time. I think I may get that from my father as well…For example, today I dusted, swept, cleaned the living room and took care of the animals. I sorted papers and cleaned up outside. I even attempted to mow the lawn but then realized I was out of gas. I got a lot done, but I should have got a lot more done. I have been meaning to clean my room, I mean really clean it well, for weeks and still have not. I need to clean out my car, and have been avoiding it like it is some tough chore. But there is tomorrow, and I will tackle more chores. But before I start, I promised my daughter I would make her pancakes in the morning. I really do love my simple little life. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I miss you so well…

My husband. Best friend. Lover. Soul mate. Better half…Matthew.

Our families love that we work together, smile for our happiness, and should start planning that big 50 year Reunion.

We work SO well, we respect each-other, and haters think it’s a facade. We don’t base our love or relationship off others, we don’t let their pain and their hate burn us.

Matt and I met in the Army, and went from friends to spouses. We had a crazy past but it never involved anger and hate, a bit of pain, but no hate. I loved him the moment I put two and two together. I had been in a few “serious” relationships, but they always seemed like work. When it hit me that we were pretty much perfect, and that this is what love was, I refused to let go. (Thanks to my mom’s advice I will never forget! “Either fight for what you want, or let go and walk away.”) Well, I’ll admit it, I’m a fighter.

I am happy, I feel like something hit me this year, something that slowly was making it’s way into my day to day life, but one day it was like a waterfall flowing over me….I’m so happy. I’m a positive, happy, bright sunshiny day kind of person. I became a morning person, black coffee and cuddles from kids. I find joy in almost everything, and see the happy side to so many things.

These last five months so many things have gone “wrong”. My truck needed brakes, my dog made me call a plumber, a pipe leaked all over (separate incident!), my kids had cavities, I am taking on a million tasks, I had to build a dog pen…and I know there is more. But, I conquered all with a smile on my face. Joked about getting a workout sweating my butt off digging post holes, tried hard to do everything on my own and sucked it up enough to ask for help if I needed it….

And oh yeah, this whole time my man has been deployed.

Guess what? I was, and am happy. This deployment just showed me, encouraged me, and challenged me to make the most of it. We still talk, we laugh, and we plan our future. We are both smiling, because we are still together, just a world away.

Nothing will get between us, not time, not distance, not life.

We are together.

We miss each-other so well.

My secret? Goals, (and a lovely respected marriage) Since he has been away we have both became healthier, I have shown I can do this, I can be his wife and be strong when he is gone. I don’t need him, I don’t depend on him, I don’t crumble when he is away. I thrive, I step up, and I love him more for being proud of me. He was thrilled when he ask, “how are you?” and without pause I said,

“I am happy! I miss you…but I am happy. I know it sounds terrible, but I am doing SO well.”

His response? “Me too, I’m glad!”

It was one of those moments, when you can really feel the love someone has for you. It was the first week he left, and the moment I knew for sure, “I got this, we’ll be great.”

 

I want to be…But until then…

I want to be that lady that seems to have so much time on her hands.

I want to be that person who refinishes furniture as a hobby, crafts for fun, and is overflowing with creativity.

I want to be the friend who has a spotless house, no matter what! Who keeps up on chores and never feels overwhelmed. Who can drop by and bring something home-cooked, with love and kindness, to share with a friend.

I want to be that mom who goes to the park three times a week, sits down and does something crafty and fun with her kids everyday, makes desserts with them often, and never gets frustrated. The mom who has time to volunteer at the school and all the kids adore.

I want to be the wife who always looks so well put together, and always has a fancy dinner on the table. The wife who bakes for his coworkers and is known for her awesome kitchen skills.

I want to be the women of the house who has a perfect lawn, lots of flowers (that never die) and waves to each neighbor that drives by, while wearing pretty garden gloves and one of those hats only people on TV seem to be able to pull off while gardening.

But until then…

I will be that lady that is always rushing, multitasking to the point it is unproductive.

I will be that person who has the skills needed to refinish something, and has done so due to being broke, too cheap, and thrifty to a fault. That person who has more ideas then time and money to bring them to life.

I will be that friend that constantly seems to be cleaning, yet never has a spotless house. There are dusty blinds and clutter, but it’s a welcoming home, and you are always invited in for fresh coffee. I am that friend that will bring half a baked good, because Lord knows I would eat it all if I didn’t. Plus, I love to share things that end up tasting pretty darn good. I am that friend that in spite of feeling overwhelmed I have a smile on my face, and no clue my hair looks like it does…pretty sure it is never effected by gravity.

I am that mom that doesn’t go out much, but I will let my kids sit on me and climb on me, read them stories daily, and manage to have fun in spite of it all. I am that mom that will drive all the way to Hobby Lobby on a whim because my kids are darn good and deserve it sometimes. I am that mom that gets frustrated and yells, but always makes sure to sit down and explain why, no matter the reason. I am that mom that doesn’t make dessert often, but when I do it’s from scratch. I am the mom who has a lot to do, but when the school is having a planting day, I will go out of my way to volunteer and donate pots and my time-Because it’s something I am passionate about.

I am the wife who greets my husband every time he walks in the door, we don’t fight, and I almost always have something made for dinner. I am that wife, the Army wife, who keeps the house in order and “holds down the fort” when my husband has to leave for six months. I am that wife who may look like a mess, but my husband never sees it that way. I am the wife who is put together enough that I never once cried myself to sleep, let my stress or loneliness leak through to my children, and kept the house a positive place no matter what. I am loyal, I am honest, and I am the luckiest wife in the world.

I am the women of the house who refuses to hire someone to do work I am perfectly capable of, the one who will mow, weed eat, and pull weeds by hand. I am the women of the house who is not too good to clean up dog poop or care for my beloved chickens. Who, despite killing plants, continues to grow flowers and tries to make things look good. I will wave my dirt laden hand to my neighbors while yelling “good morning!” and wearing my hole-y jeans and my t-shirts.

Until then, I will live this life that I am so blessed to have. I will smile through the grime, and my kids will enjoy each day we spend at home, because we have learned to enjoy the little things.

What are you waiting for?? No really, I don’t understand!!

I talked to my sister today, who I adore by the way, and she was telling me about multiple people who she knows who talk about wanting to lose weight, but “not until…” “I’ll start when…” ::Why wait?!:: I really don’t get it. I seem to be a bit clueless.

Then, I saw that picture. Is it fear? Is fear the reason they are not ready to work towards being happy? Healthy? I am not one who thinks everyone is required to be fit and trim in order to be happy…I understand some people are happy, or healthy and still need to lose a few pounds. I’m talking about people who DO WANT to lose weight, DO WANT to make a change in their lives, just not YET.

I think it’s fear. Fear of failure, fear of change, of judgement and stepping out of that bubble that they have created. Fear that they will give up half way through and gain twice the amount back. I have been there…kind of. I have lost ALmost all the weight needed….just to gain back over ten pounds before I ever said, “what am I doing?!”.

I want to change someone for the better, to guide them to the light, to help them love themselves and see that they are worth it! You are worth the struggle, worth the early morning, the sweat, the tears and the pain the next day. You are worth the extra money to buy those workout clothes, you are worth it.

I want to help someone make that lifestyle change, the change that helps the fat melt away, the change that brings out that smile on their face, the change that means they will never have to quit again.

When you make the change in your life, it’s not called “a diet”. You don’t go to a party and turn down food because you are on a diet. You turn down certain foods because, “I don’t drink soda, thank you.” or “I just don’t eat *insert some food here, like potato chips if you are me*” Or, you do eat those, but in small amounts on certain occasions. Regardless what it is, it’s not a time frame, it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. I am not talking about a certain lifestyle either…I am talking about yours. Unique to you.

I was always on some kind of diet, then I gained back the weight, and tried a different one, this time I was really sticking to it! Counting calories like an obsession….then I looked at life differently, opened my eyes and said; “Time to make a change!” I saw a T25 ad, having tried Insanity before I was thinking that would be perfect, but once I talked to my coach I went with the 21 Day Fix. I finished one round with awesome results, and I just continued using the eating guidelines, sometimes I will splurge a bit, or have an extra “red”…but I have stuck with the plan. Some things I have learned how to eyeball, for me, veggies are not measured, they are piled on to fill at least three greens, and if I have the munchies at night I can eat as many veggies as I please…but that’s how I turned it into my lifestyle. I will be really strict on certain days, or for a certain amount of time, but I don’t tell myself I can never again have certain things. Except potato chips, or soda…I have no desire.

I am in love with Shakeology, and I have turned it into a late night snack…I made a coffee drink with the chocolate packet today that was AMazing! I mixed about 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk, the chocolate packet, and filled the rest of the little mason jar I use on my blender with ice. Once I mixed that up really well I added it to a big cup, and poured in as much cool black coffee that I could. (About 1 cup) Mixed it with a spoon and drank it too fast…it was very tasty. By the way, I was so anti Shakeology it was funny, but now it’s what I crave all day long, if I could drink that 4 times a day I would. 😉